Wednesday, 8 February 2012
Those few of you who have been reading my blog every day (weirdos) will have noticed a sudden lapse in the last week. Well, time for a bit of honesty. I've only told a few people about this so far and the reactions have been varied and in some cases, surprising - I'm not having those conversations again. So please don't be offended if you ask me a question about it and I don't answer, I'm just not going to get dragged into an argument about it.
I have decided to end my cadetship, as of now. The people who know me really well know that there are two sides to my personality - the studious nerdy half who enjoys working things out and concentrating on maths and being smart, and the hippy wanderer half who likes writing poems and drinking cups of tea and dying her hair and staring into space. I would be perfectly happy to diminish the latter half if I found a job I truly loved which required it. I really would. But, it turns out, I don't truly love this. In fact, I find it kind of... boring. The premise is exciting, and I enjoy the theory. I like the rules and the maths and the history and all the different places. But they aren't the job; they are what you need to know to do the job. The job itself is sort of half playing a big videogame with ten different monitors (I don't really get the appeal, although I know millions of people would jump at the chance) and half admin, with a smattering of walking around the deck with a radio (also hate radios. I don't really even like phones). To be honest - and that is what I intend - I think there are probably jobs that suit me better. So I'm going home to find one.
We were warned at college before we came to sea that there would be bits we didn't like, and we shouldn't dismiss it straight away because we wouldn't always be doing those bits. The bits they thought we might not like were the manual things, working with the bosun and ABs, long hot work with sweat dripping down your back, that kind of thing. Er... I quite liked that. I have always found practical work enjoyable and rewarding. Turns out I am quite good at splicing, too. It's the actual officer work (and I know I haven't done much of it, but I've watched what each of them does, while steering, at anchor, in port and everything in between) that I find a bit dull, and we *will* always be doing those bits. Maybe dull isn't the word; maybe just not a good fit. The way the cadetship works is that the studying lasts three years, and then my particular company has a two year return of service if they have a job for you. That's five years. I'll be 31 at the end of that, and I don't think I'm willing to spend five years in a job that I'm not even excited about a few weeks in. Seems daft, doesn't it?
So, that's me. I'll be heading home from Cape Town whenever we get there - sometime in the next week - and will try to work out what to do next! Maybe a proofreading course. I hear proofreaders drink a lot of tea.